oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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