Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
