I wish my penis had an off switch
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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