dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We need a shit load of segways right now
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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