when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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