East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
