the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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