I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
