i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
