There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
