when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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