i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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