Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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