Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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