its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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