like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You've changed since you got that strap on
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
