I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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