i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
