I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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