dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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