I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
