the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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