Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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