I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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