every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
