do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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