You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
