I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
