Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
