Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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