Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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