White coat. Heels.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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