Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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