Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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