i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
