I wannas sexs uuuuu
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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