i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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