Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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