I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Everything about him screamed your future.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
