just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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