All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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