I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's not cheating when I paid for it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
