Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
