I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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