Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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