Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
