the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
