Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
