explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
