Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
