He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
