My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
