My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
