You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
