On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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