I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
