You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
