it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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