so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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