i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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