New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
this will be a night to untag.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
