so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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