i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
