I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
