I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
