Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Pants are for mortals
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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