Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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