if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
