Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
