A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
